On This Day:

Facebook, you strike again, we just love to feed into the idea that “everything is worthy of a living memory” and of course we now have apps to tell us exactly just that – Yes, Facebook – How could I forget that today is the 6^th anniversary of my wedding date; my 2^nd “first” experiencing it without Jim. And, guess what Facebook – I’m okay; we are all okay. Don’t worry though, it equally stings like the first one, yet I have learned to push the sting to the side (just a little bit) because that is what I want to do in this “new norm”. I know there will be a 3^rd “first” next year, and so on. Also, I know that I have nothing to worry about because if I were to forget somehow, Facebook, without fail, your bot system will tell me exactly what I should remember, when… right?

This isn’t a ply on the app; quite frankly, I too have come to love some of the posts from “on this day”. And, I love literally watching the kids in my tribe grow throughout the years; I love to read the funny memories we have shared throughout our social-media living histories; however, it’s an interesting dichotomy on what is too much and what is just enough of: “On this Day”. I literally have no answers to this, just questions.

Since, I haven’t posted anything in so long to my blog, and I have started so many pieces this past year that I never finished the thought (or my thoughts changed before posting); I figured I would share:

What do I know “On this day” versus last year? It just seems fitting.

NUMBER 1 – I’m still me… It took a year of grief counseling, and several conversations that literally ended up with someone having to listen to me talking in circles (thanks to all those who endured them) to realize that at the bottom of all of this – No, I don’t have to become a new me; because all of my moments leading up today is what makes me - me… Deep down, at the core, I’m still that girl that came from the 603 (frog-pond and all), traveled for a longtime, and keeps rediscovering and recreating herself along the way.

Number 2 – I have so much love that I can do this; I love Jonah, even when my heart is torn apart; I love my tribe; And someday, hopefully, I will love someone else, differently, but as deep as my love is for Jim. (Note; not past-tense – because I will always love Jim).

Number 3 – I was really selfish last year; and will remain selfish, but, hopefully not as much this year… and probably a little next year. This will be my reality, until I’m able to stich my heart up and focus outwards more, I hope my tribe knows how much I appreciated the ability to be 100% selfish, BUT starts helping me be less selfish this year, by calling me and using me as their venting outlet because I want to be the listener not just the venter… (I’m seriously aiming for 75% this year and hopefully by this time next year 50/50 selfish ratio)...

Number 4 – Nothing matters without your family and tribe; nothing is worth risking losing them; and nothing is worth losing yourself. I think I have always known this but until I went through it, I didn’t really ever know the depth of what it meant to be raised: “Family is the only thing that matters…”

Number 5 – “That is yesterday’s News… What’s todays?” Again, I grew up with this philosophy along with “It’s no big deal” – still trying to figure out what is a “big deal” – DAD!

How did I get to these five things: All because of:

Number 6: I learned so much about ME these past 12 months: I know that I’m a survivor but not in survivor mode anymore; I metaphorically and literally graduated; I mourned; I cried; I laughed (luckily a lot); I experienced way TOO many horrible tragedies’ this past year; I brushed myself off a LOT!; I surrounded myself with my tribe, who literally picked me up, carried me, and told me the hard truth when needed; I became a strong, candid public speaker and an amazing young leader at work (didn’t see that one coming so soon); I learned so much about me: as a mom, as a parent, as a daughter; as a sister, as a friend, as a boss, as an employee, as EVERY role a person can  possible be – and most importantly, I learned that time is so precious and valuable; therefore, we all should say what we mean and do what we say.

So Facebook – thank you for your reminders: “On this Day” – Secretly, I love seeing them most days, otherwise I would have turned the stupid feed off a long time ago – but today; “On this day” almost exactly the same thing that I was thinking 6 years ago “on this day” when “I became someone’s wife and a grown-up (kinda)”:– I’m looking outward and onward to love, life and happiness and will be for the rest of my life because each day, is another day, for us all to be present and here – not looking back, not looking ahead – and most importantly; I’m still me, not a new me – not an old me; just me… And, I’m really excited and happy to be me; because me is pretty awesome, even right now, “on this day”.